Babe, feel this…

pink ink

All my girls know the 1st chance I get to take off my bra, I will. September 7th was no different. Or so I thought! Walking in the door @ 9pm, I “flash danced” my bra off, hopped on the bed and massaged my boobs. Having tiny ones, that didn’t take long. Then I felt it. A large nugget in my right boob. No pain, but it has hard and new. No panic. Just “babe, feel this”.

He felt it, turned back to the tv, and said “girl, that’s your lymph nodes”. Really? That’s it? Yup, that was it. But I spent half the night feeling myself. Did I dream it? Is it really there? Feels big. Is it? Will it be gone in the morning? No, 7 am. Still there.

As soon as my daughter got on the school bus, I called my doctor. The receptionist was so understanding and concerned! They could fit me in on…Sept 30th. Again, REALLY? Now here is where being a ” group chick” paid off. My doc is in my jack & Jill chapter. So I texted her and 30 minutes later she said she would write a mammo order for me. She didn’t think It was anything. After all, I had a mammo 4 months earlier. “if it will make you feel better” she said, “go”. Next thing I know, blayre & I are sitting in an office waiting room after school.

Flash forward 1 week, 2 MRIs, ultra sounds and 2 biopsies later, and I am officially diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer! So began the journey of telling family and friends and starting the long road to recovery. Nothing can prepare you for that moment. I only feel fortunate that I didn’t have an overwhelming sense of doom and sadness that so many feel. Because of all the breast cancer advocacy I have done, I felt “ok”. We just had work to do. The hardest part was going to be putting the plan into action, and managing other people.

Flash forward again 2 months…I am almost 1/2 way through my treatments and have experienced nausea on an epic scale. But I do know that the treatment is working, the cancer is shrinking. In fact, just yesterday, I turned to my husband and said…”Babe feel this…”

Tennis match conversations . . .the ball drops

red ink…

After much drama in the morning (and every morning) as the mother of three including two teenagers, I was looking forward to another morning therapy session with my girl (who lives a scarily similar, crazy, wonderful life with her husband and daughter in Phoenix). “Hey girl…what’s happening with you?” she asks. (I love this particular sister-friend so much because she never fails to ask about my life.) I go on to tell her about my son who at 15, has Asperger’s and began having seizures last year. “This medication is making him totally crazy” I tell her, and “I’m going right along with him.” She laughs…”hang in there, girl” and doesn’t try to solve the problem, but just listens. Then I ask about her. Our conversations are always like this – like a good tennis match. “You won’t believe this, but I found a lump today.” “Good Lord . . .” I say, half exclamation and half true prayer. A million things flash through my mind, and I ask her all the stupid follow up questions. (Are you sure? Are you near your cycle? How big is it?) “I just had a mammogram a couple of months ago and it was clear,” she continued, “but I have another one scheduled tomorrow.” She’s not scared (yet), but is in “get it done” mode. “You know I just went through this a couple of years ago…” I reply, “and you’ll be o.k.” Of course she remembers because she’s one of the first people that I called and breathed with after my biopsy was negative. She is a serial volunteer and does her most passionate work with a breast cancer foundation, and was just gearing up for breast cancer awareness month in October so the irony of this happening at this time is not lost on either of us. I teased her about wanting to have a good story to tell in October. “It will be fine” I tell her again, truly believing it, and saying my prayers just in case . . .

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