pink ink

This morning I woke up the day after my 5th round of chemo feeling the typical nausea and fatigue. Only 3 more to go! Yay! My phone rang. It was “Sis”, and for the next hour we talked about her family, the weekend, and briefly about my chemo session. BTW, I threw up in the middle of my treatment. Did I mention I was on the phone with her when I was hit with the vomits?? I don’t usually talk on the phone during chemo, but was feeling ok…or so I thought. In fact I called her to say, “I’m chillin ‘ “ Crazy.

Anyway, after we got off this morning, it was time to check email. Ironically, there was an email from her that simply read…

“…If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain. “Move from here to there”, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20.

She wrote that it helped her to be reminded about the power of Faith, and that she hoped it helped me too.

I found this to come at an interesting time. You see, my mother had just emailed that she and I hadn’t talked about God or Faith in all this, and that I should know people are praying for me everywhere. So to be reminded of Faith twice in 24 hours gave me pause.

Like so many, I believe that God is everywhere. He leads us, allows us to fail, and shows us how to survive, how to live and how to love. I married a man who was raised Pentecostal, but is now Baptist. So strongly rooted in Faith. Our daughter has been raised with God in her life. However, I am not a person who openly discusses Faith. It can lead to great conversation. But healthy debate can also easily divide the closest of friends and family. I strongly believe that Faith is deeply personal, and often bristle at those who proselytize. That said, God is everywhere in my family’s lives.

I have been overwhelmed by all the prayers that have been said for our family. I am thankful for the people who call and say a prayer with me over the phone. I keep prayer cards in my chemo bag. One of my closest friends is a minister. She used to say prayers over my stomach when I was pregnant. That used to freak me out! Now, I love that she sends/says directed prayers for us. (I came to love that about her way b/f cancer)

I have been asked by my mom and by my good friend/radiologist what part Faith plays in my life during this time. The truth is, I believe that God has given me a gift. I have done much work in breast cancer advocacy. But at times, I felt that there were people who only gave me and my message, but so much legitimacy. Others tried to dismiss my opinions because I had not “gone through it”. But man, am I going through it now. I feel that I have been given the gift of being able to help other people who end up in the Cancer Lane. I am young and black. When I go to Cancer Survivor events or support meetings, I don’t see people who look like me. I am fortunate to have 2 young women Mentors who are helping me on my journey. I look forward to being able to do the same. I believe that God is having me walk this path for that reason. I believe God wants me to reach those young people out there, my friends, and my colleagues who don’t do exams. He wants me to help people talk about this disease, and not hide behind fear. I believe that He has chosen me to be another “face” of survivorship.

I didn’t get diagnosed and ask God “why me”. I don’t pray to God to help me get through this, because I know I will. Be not confused. I thank God for the strength to get through this and for the friends, family and doctors, who step up everyday to help me. My prayers are to help my beautiful daughter and my BEST friend/husband to stay strong and healthy. My prayers are that they have as normal a year as possible. I know that God and I are walking this Lane together, and I will be better for it.

As has been said, Faith is the first thing you should pack in a Hope chest…

4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. helen Imes
    Dec 06, 2011 @ 22:07:10

    Hello, Baby Niece, I was so relieved to read your testimony today. To be truthful, I was thinking the same thing your Mom was thinking. That is, doubtful of your faith in believing. I guess because as I read your blogs I didn’t see any mention of your faith as you go through this. But God knows our hearts and He hears us and know us, even though others don’t. Cancer will lead you to HIM quicker and deeper than anything that you could possibly imagine. I am so proud of you as I tell you all the time. This blog is a beautiful thing that you are creating. During my chemo i had MANY MANY conversations with God. I still have those LONG talks and they are a real healing for me. I love you, baby cakes, and so does GOD. EVERY prayer that I offer never fails to include you. He will take the best of care of you. Love, MONA


  2. Soror Cara
    Dec 08, 2011 @ 00:28:31

    What a wonderful testimony about Faith … thank you for sharing your story … it is a lesson for us all to live and learn by … God will continue to bless you Soror B!


  3. TME
    Dec 08, 2011 @ 06:53:13

    Wonderful post. Wonderful reminder about the presence, power and purpose of faith!


  4. Renee
    Dec 12, 2011 @ 18:41:41

    Amen. Yesterday, we went to church, surprising most there as we are attendees, …way too infrequent in nature and something of which we are not proud. More important, the sermon paralleled your thoughts and cited Isaiah 61:1-3. The 3rd verse is your point. You are a tree.


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