Trust your gut…

pink ink…

Have you ever been on a plane, chillin’, enjoying your movie, music or book, and all of a sudden the plane drops? You’re like “What the…?” The plane is fine, and you are cruising again, albeit a bit shaken. The pilot comes on and says “Sorry about that folks. We unexpectedly hit some turbulence. There’s some more up ahead, so we are going to change course”. Now if you are like my sis, and me you are REALLY shaken! (We have become nervous fliers recently) But we know that the Pilot knows what he’s doing, and we will finish the flight safely. We know this in our gut. We just have to trust it.

Well kiddies, I ran into some turbulence in the Cancer lane.

Some background. I told you, I know my breasts. (And really, at this point, you should know yours too!) I followed my instinct and had that mammo back in September b/c I knew something wasn’t right. Well, I had another “feeling” last week. As I mentioned, I had my 5th treatment a week ago. It was a different drug, called Taxol. It was supposed to be much easier on the body. Guess what? It was. Low nausea, just a lot of aches and fatigue. Kind of like having the flu. What I noticed on Wed, was that my lump was now easily apparent to the naked eye. In addition, the inside of my breast had consistent shooting pain. By Friday, I called the NP to tell her about it. I almost felt embarrassed to call. It probably wasn’t a big deal. But the best thing about MAYO is that they WANT you to call, they WANT you to ask questions. So I picked up the phone and dialed.

I left a message Friday afternoon, and got a call 1st thing Saturday (yes Saturday!) morning. Again, I explained that I “just wanted them to know” something “seemed” different. I was soon scheduled for a Monday morning appt. A few hours later my Oncologist called. He was just “checking in” on me. (Again, it’s Saturday!) We talked about 15 minutes about my treatment, and he explained that he was very encouraged about my treatment so far. My lump had gone from 4cm to 2 cm, as of last week! Awesome! He would also be available to see me on Monday. Good deal! I got off the phone, once again counting down to MLK day and my last chemo treatment. I was encouraged.

The next day and ½ I took Tylenol for the pain, and ran around. (See below) Monday morning comes, and the road starts to get bumpy. My husband and I head to the appt, feeling pretty good, but not sure what they are going to say about why my lump is sticking out. But we had no fear. The NP takes one look at my lump, and calls the Doctor. Doc walks in, and full on turbulence.

In one week, my lump DOUBLED IN SIZE AND IS BACK TO ITS ORIGINAL SIZE.

Yes, you read correctly.

I had 2 thoughts.
1. I knew it. It felt wrong.
2. PLEASE don’t let me have to go back to the Red Devil chemo.

Boy was I off base. I am off to surgery in the next week.

How could this happen? Did I just go through 10 weeks of chemo for nothing? Well…yes. But now I know that I have a good shaped head? Now I know I can handle more than I thought. Now I can STOP chemo! YAY! But man, what a Christmas holiday. Next thing I knew, I was off to tests, and more tests.

Ironically, yesterday I was supposed to have lunch with my 2 Cancer Mentors. But instead, I was texting them the details of my doctor visit. As always, they stepped up and calmed me down. That is why everyone needs a Cancer Mentor. They’ve been on this journey, and offer perspective. One even offered to come meet me at the doctor and sit with me! (Thanks Soror)

When baby girl got home, we “spun” the story that Mommy was done chemo, and the doc was just going to take “it” out. She was so happy, she ran into my arms. But wait, she’s no dummy. She then asked about the hospital stay. 4-5 days we told her. Again, tears! “Will you be here for Christmas? Will I get to see you?” Inside my heart broke…again.

By the end of the evening, I was (and continue to be), mentally exhausted. I know that this is the right thing. I’m glad I followed my instinct and called the doctor. Imagine how big it would have gotten if I had waited another week for my regular appointment!! I think a mastectomy is in the near future. And as a result, I may actually get those new boobs I wanted! Score!

This bit of turbulence will actually make my journey in the Cancer Lane shorter. By the New Year, I will not have cancer in me. By mid Feb, I should be done radiation. If there is any reason to be happy, it’s that.

Most important, I will enter 2012 knowing to always Trust Your Gut…

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Joyce
    Dec 15, 2011 @ 22:42:39

    I read your blog and pray that you will have a full recovery.

    Reply

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