Why Me?? – Why NOT Me?!

red ink . . .

This was a bittersweet Mother’s Day. I missed my own mother, who died almost three years ago. Why me? My eldest son just got out of the hospital a little over a week ago following a really scary episode where I could have lost him. Why me? Sweet, because he and my other beautiful children are still here. Sweet, because I held all of my children close at the end of our church service today. Sweet, because my husband of almost 20 years, tried his best to make the day special for me starting with breakfast, and ending with watching the series finale of “Desperate Housewives” with me. [Can you believe the show is actually over?]

My eldest son and I had a tough conversation recently when he asked why he has “so many” challenges. To be sure, he has more than his share – an early diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome, a higher functioning type of autism; a more recent diagnosis of epilepsy; and a recent bout of depression about all of it and more. I shared with him that asking the question is perfectly normal, and that he owes himself a chance to just say that he wished that it hadn’t fallen on his plate. He didn’t do anything to “deserve” any of it, so why did it have to happen. It’s o.k. to cry this out to God, or to the Universe, but to get it out.

Barb and I never had the “Why me?” conversation. The closest we ever came was a conversation where she expressed momentary frustration because she’d done everything that she was supposed to be doing including eating right, exercising, etc. and — look what happened.

So today when I participated in the Why Me? breast cancer walk in Chicago with my daughter in honor of all of the people in my life who have been touched by breast cancer, most especially Barb, I found myself wondering again about that question – Why Me? As we walked, then ran, I wondered whether the walk’s founders should have called it the “Why Not Me?” walk because being in the company of so many survivors of every size, shape, age and color and of so many whose lives had been touched by breast cancer, I knew that the right question was “why not me?” instead of “why me?”

Unimaginable things can happen to any of us or to those we love, especially to us women, us moms. Our challenge is to ask the “why not me?” question, and then to get about the business of asking “what now?” This is what Barb did when faced with the bear that is breast cancer – and it’s what extraordinary moms do every day when facing with the winds in our lives. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you . . . most especially to pink ink.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Regina Spellers Sims
    May 20, 2012 @ 06:10:41

    Ship I did the NUBAA run walk in your name today! We logged 3 mile! Sending you love. Gina #14


  2. JC Ellis
    May 22, 2012 @ 13:40:43

    Hey Michelle! I’m behind on my Inkwell Chicks blog reading…Congrats to you and Shelby on your Mother’s Day! Glad that your oldest heir is out of the hospital and hate that you missed pink Ink’s live girlfriend hug. Praying for you and your crew too!!! smooches!


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