Keep swimming (seriously)

Pink Ink…

Why me?

Why NOT me?


These are the questions that have traveled back and forth across the phone lines between Red Ink Michele and me the past few weeks. There have been some tears. Ok, a lot of tears, as we have had a particularly challenging month with my “nephew”. (Not to mention my 3rd degree burns!) On more than one occasion, we have asked each other, how much more can one child take? How much more could WE take?! We all know the phrase “God only gives you what you can handle”. But when you are “handling” it, when you are “up in it”, that phrase doesn’t bring comfort!

Mother’s Day has come and gone. Happy belated Mother’s Day! It was a challenging day for me. It was my plan to write a wonderful, positive blog for the day! It didn’t happen that way. In fairness, my family gave me a wonderful and relaxing day. I got a million and one emails, calls and texts. People around the country recognized the significance of this particular Mother’s Day for me. I had MADE it to Mother’s Day! That was a milestone! A milestone that was not lost on me. So while everyone was celebrating, I was lost in my thoughts. I spent the day thinking about my mom. I knew this year was difficult for her because she couldn’t “fix” me. I am sure she felt helpless at times. I shared with her that one of my friend’s mother had admitted to asking “why not me”, when my friend was diagnosed with Cancer. My mom quietly said she thought the same thing. Wow. I thought about my baby girl. How many more Mother’s Days would I have with her? What would Michele, and Carla tell her about me? Would I be able to see her become a Mom? Finally, I thought about Michele and the fact that no matter how hard we work to protect our children, stuff happens. So my Mother’s Day was one of happiness and heaviness. But we keep moving. We keep swimming.

Medical Update: I am healing slowly but surely! I am not wearing wound covers anymore! There are parts of my breast that are still “down to the white meat” as they say. No chance of a bra anytime soon. Still swollen and sore. I am definitely bleeding in spots. But it’s better than it was.

Last week I was shopping for a dress to go to a summer black tie event. The challenges I faced were that I still have Frankenstein scars, I have a burnt “box” around my boob, and fabric irritates the skin. So I needed a dress that covered all that. But it’s 105 degrees here! I also needed something that would be cool. I thought I had found a dress. It looked and fit great. But then, my Shopper and I realized…that my nipples were asymmetrical! Yes, you read correctly. My radiated boob was still so swollen that it sat higher than the other one. It was bad enough that the nipples were showing through the material. But to see them at a diagonal was a bit disconcerting! The Shopper suggested wearing nipple covers. But alas, the last thing I wanted on open skin was adhesive. Back to the drawing board. I did eventually find a dress. It was comfortable and hid all my issues. But as we were sitting at the dinner Saturday, I started feeling a little wet in my dress. Now, I had gotten permission to try and wear anti-perspirant so I wouldn’t sweat all over the place. So I was a little taken aback. Perhaps I was just having a hot flash. (Yes, I still get those!) I excused myself to the ladies room, to wipe what I assumed was sweat. No, It was blood. My breast had sprung a leak! SERIOUSLY?! Does it never end? Fortunately, it was not enough to go through my dress, and the evening was coming to a close. What a night!

Sunday, Michele and I spoke before bed. Both of us probably sounded crazy because we were so tired. Another weekend done. All we could hope for was a week with no twists or turns. Before falling asleep, I broke out my affirmations that Lizzie sent me . One spoke to me.

“I am in the right place. This present experience is a stepping stone to a new awareness and greater glory.”

I certainly hope that is true! Either way, we are going to…keep swimming! (Seriously)

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Dee
    May 22, 2012 @ 12:36:21

    Thanks, we are ready to dive in this week! Continue to write and enjoy your amazing life, family, and friends. You have been a blessing to all, who have followed your journey. God has provided you the strength that you have needed for the challenge. Keep swimming for the Gold!


  2. JC Ellis
    May 22, 2012 @ 13:38:58

    Girl, I’m behind on my Inkwell Chicks blog reading….So glad you are done w/radiation and got to ring the bell and glad that your burn is healing slowly. Ouch!! I hate that Red ink had to miss your surprise live girlfriend hug, but I’m glad her first heir is out of the hospital. Glad you got the go ahead to shop guilt free at Whole Foods! I agree w/man B, the Whole Food prices are ridunkulus, but the meat is much better and hormone free…..Hope little B’s foot is better. You looked splendid in that sea foam green dress!!!!!!! You had quite a weekend and no, you couldn’t have scripted the ER run, the midnight pork inspired worship to the porcelain throne…yikes! Here’s a mantra for today. “When women of a certain age wean themselves off The Swine, it’s like lactating, once you’re weaned, there’s no going back on the tap.” :>) Bailey doesn’t eat pork anymore either and had a pulled pork sandwich one night…same gastrointestinal effect. I still enjoy The Swine with reckless abandon, but eating a McDonald’s cheeseburger would probably cause me to be a stomach flu away from my goal weight! :>)


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