Eat Cake

Pink Ink…

SU2C

I woke up this morning with the great desire to EAT CAKE!  You see, it is National Cancer Survivors Day!  A day we celebrate in my house!  But alas, no cake!  I made pancakes instead, while Big B played golf.

This is a day to mourn, celebrate, and to say thanks!

I MOURN the life I had before I entered Life in the Cancer Lane.  What does that mean?  I mourn the loss of freedom.  The fact that my every move is dictated by medicine and doctors visits.  I mourn my old body, as crazy as it may have looked to me, it was mine.  I mourn the loss of close friends who couldn’t figure out how to be there for me, and instead watch silently from the sidelines.  I mourn my identity that WASN’T attached to cancer.  I mourn the loss of a friend to the exact type of breast cancer that I have.  I mourn the days I could look at my family with complete happiness without any tinge of sadness.  I mourn the fact that I never got to be “Cancer free”.  I…mourn.

I CELEBRATE making it to my 2nd Cancer Survivors Day!  Last year I was in Chicago celebrating finishing treatment, or so I thought.  I am still wrapped in the love that I felt day.  It keeps me going on tough days!  I celebrate the fact that I am STILL HERE!  I celebrate each new memory that I make with my family.  I celebrate the times I see Big and Lil B genuinely laugh.  You know, that deep in the stomach laugh!  I celebrate this NEW frankenstein body that is keeping me alive…that’s keeping me here!  I celebrate my new identity that is often associated with cancer.  I celebrate each time someone DOESN’T look at me with “sad eyes”.  I celebrate my NEW friends and friendships made stronger because of this journey!  I celebrate each time a friend tells me they got a mammogram!  Indeed, I … celebrate!

Last year's celebration

Last year’s celebration

I give THANKS.  I thank God for this journey and allowing me more time with my family.  I thank Him for not feeling sick every damn day!  I thank my family for being there, giving me love and support and funny stories.  I thank my friends, for making me laugh, and helping me forget the elephant in the room.  I thank each of you for continuing to follow this story.  I thank so many in my own way.  I even thank Cancer, for reminding me that everyday, and an easy life, is not promised.  I am thankful for laughter, every new memory, for new creativity, for the stolen moments with Big B.  Today, I give…thanks.

I am celebrating National Cancer Survivors Day with a “Table Read” of my first script.  It is an apt marking of the day!  I am filled with nervous energy.

After that?  I will…eat cake!

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Andrea Smith
    Jun 02, 2013 @ 18:54:13

    Congratulations Barbra!! I didn’t realize the significance of today; I am so glad that you are here to celebrate it! I, too will have cake in your honor and others…it will mean so much more to me and my sweet tooth! LOL!!!

    Reply

  2. karenabigail
    Jun 02, 2013 @ 21:08:20

    Celebrating you too sis! Love you much!!!

    Reply

  3. Debra Jean Chandler
    Jun 02, 2013 @ 23:31:37

    I celebrate you my sister! I am grateful to be able to read and benefit from your journey. You give me hope and courage. Thank you.

    Reply

  4. Marsha Griggs
    Jun 08, 2013 @ 20:12:44

    Barbra I remain awestricken by you. I don’t know how you do what you do, but the message of your journey has resounded in hearts around the world. Sending you love from Texas!!!
    M.G.

    Reply

  5. helen imes
    Jun 10, 2013 @ 05:38:45

    I celebrate every day for YOU. It is amazing how often I am asked, “How is your niece doing?” My response usually is based on what I read here with you. Keep up your determination and strength …God loves you and so do we.

    Reply

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