Editor’s note: It is a day of sadness for many of us across the country. But I am already tired of the pundits, analysis, commentators, etc. Even my legal training leaves me speechless. So today, I have turned off my tv, and put down social media. Need some positivity. Enjoy your day….
Quick update: I start my day by saying “I am health”. This is the mantra that I am now saying each day when I wake up, or when I am feeling particularly bad. (Thanks Oprah!) Medically speaking, we are back in it. Cancer is growing. Started a new chemo last week. In terms of a drug, it is relatively easy breezy. The side effects are new. Instead of pain in my fingers, I now have crushing pain throughout my body. Immediately after chemo, I felt like my vertebrae were all collapsing. B had to turn around and run into Mayo for more drugs, b/c I didn’t think I would make it home. My jawbones hurt, as do my ear drums. I am feeling the undercurrent of nausea again. A feeling I had long forgotten. I have a lung drain on Wednesday. The coughing got worse…then better. So hopefully this will be the last one for a while. The fluid, while non cancerous, is weighing heavy on my lung. It makes walking a block, or up the stairs VERY difficult. On the upside, I am sleeping at night. Thank you percoset. The last few days has had me stealing away for tears of pain and frustration. Yes, I know I am entitled. Doesn’t make it easier. I have begun to hear new rumblings of “…but she doesn’t look sick.” Or “if she is so sick, how could she go to LA,… go out with her girls,… go out with B”. Sorry. I am not going to just lie down…and wait. I will do what I CAN or want. I WILL do. In my pain, sadness, or frustration, I am strengthened/held up by prayer, positive thoughts, friends and family.
Today, I am strengthened by…these chicks.
These chicks who have had my back from 2000 miles away from the beginning! I could list off all the ways. Chemo bags, calls, texts, cards. Something, EVERY week. Sermon messages sent across the miles on Sundays. Gifts, hotel stays…more gifts. But it’s so much more than that.
It’s flying across the country to see me. REALLY see me. It’s not being scared when I looked really sick or told them I didn’t feel well. It’s loving me enough to carry bad news with me. It’s 3 hours of convo in an LA restaurant that brought laughter and tears, and questions I didn’t see coming. It’s holding my hand, holding me up when I literally thought I was going to have to call an ambulance on a busy Beverly Hills street because I couldn’t breathe. It’s letting my Mini Me play with her hair for HOURS because she misses playing with mine. It’s the pushing me to fulfill my dream, even if it’s from a hospital bed.(#Can’tStopWon’tStop)
It’s stopping Brandy in the bathroom to remind her of me, and then standing to the side as Brandy and I connect and talk about my journey. Or introducing me to Richard Roundtree, a MALE breast cancer survivor. For one chick, it’s the joy of sitting back for hours and talking mindless pop culture, a shared passion. The other chick…HATES pop culture….but loves me enough to listen…and be educated on the most current music. (she needs help!)
It could be that one lost her mom at a young age, and also a child. It could be that the other has a mom who is a 10-year survivor.
But, I believe it’s that they are special, giving, loving sisters. Sisters who I have laughed, loved, disagreed, cried with.
A new book just came out called “How to be a Friend to a Friend who’s Sick”. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by several people who know how to do this!
But today, I draw strength from…these chicks.