Pink on Purpose

red ink…image

I’m wearing pink again today, as I’m heading back to Phoenix, to see Barb’s play – the Redux. Pink on purpose, that’s my theme this month. I know my sorors forgive me in advance, for the pink detour I’ve taking during October, where I’ve decided to wear a little pink everyday in honor of my girl. ( I also resolved to do my part to help spread the message about Breast cancer awareness.).

Fortunately for me I’ve been back to town several times since last year so the full emotional impact of being back in this place without her physically there isn’t entirely new to me. This time is different though. It’s been almost exactly a year since we had our last conversation. The last time I saw her was when I went to town for this play, and to say goodbye, a year ago. So coming back for this play has caused me, and no doubt others, to re-live some very difficult moments of the last time I spent with her. Honestly, I’m dressing it up, putting on a happy (and made up) face (as my glamour girl friend would have wanted), but I’m dreading it. Dreading hearing our conversations on stage without hearing her voice or the chance to look over and just see her smile or frown. You see, the seeds for the play came from the blog that we started together to allow her to document this experience. It will be, I’m expecting, surreal to see all of the people around her life again, but not to see her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly grateful for the Barb village that surrounds me and all of us as we remember her together, but I MISS HER…every day in smabbll ways and sometimes in big ones. I’m laughing as I’m writing this because I know this pleases her. She knew that I had other close girls (thank God for all of you), but she wanted to be special in my life – and she was, she is…there are still things that I want to share with her first, and trust me, I still do…image

Barb really wasn’t a Bey fan at all, but I have been for a while. A couple of her songs, for some reasons spoke to me, during this transition phase including Heaven (watch the video) and “I Was Here.” She is so clearly “here” to me in a million ways. Like when I arrived home after her service last November, and my son’s first college admission letter was waiting for him in a big red envelope with the YES spelled out, or whenever a FB post of my kids gets more likes and good wishes from my Barb sisters faster than my other folks respond, or when I get a text or a call from one of the posse just checking in, or when I use her words and laugh with my kids about a moment we all shared, and especially when I hear her or see her in that not so little anymore young lady who she loved with all her heart.

But we talked so often during the past couple of years about how much she wanted to matter, to be remembered for something significant and important, and to make a difference – not just to those in her circle but on a much larger scale. Despite the challenge that it may be to watch tonight, I’m going to help shout out to the universe that Barb was here and she mattered, and her work and story will continue to matter beyond what she might have ever contemplated. Tonight, I predict, will be difficult, but amazing, just as this journey has been.

Hope to see you there. I’ll be there…in a splash of pink…on purpose! Join us…


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Marion Kelly
    Oct 18, 2014 @ 20:07:40

    Pink on Purpose, I promise you a grreat production and performance tonight. I have been in rehearsals all week. This are remarkably gifted women in this cast! However, you are right. It is EXTREMELY emotional! But, each time I see Big B and Little B they give me the emotional wherewithal to do this thing. Looking forward to seeing you soon. Krimson Pink! (For this month anyhow)


  2. Yasmin Cader
    Oct 18, 2014 @ 21:56:12

    Thanks, michele. Perfect as always…

    Yasmin Cader
    Deputy Federal Public Defender
    321 E. 2nd St.
    Los Angeles, CA 90012



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